hello~

小雨 : ) if i wrote u in english, how should i call u? lol like "little
rain mm" or sth like that? :） quite a simple solution but sort of
cute~, so i am to use it

little rain mm : )

well it's really long since last time i wrote to someone in this
manner... oops maybe i never did.. but the feeling is familiar...
i told u earlier today that i had been addicted to a habit that when
i was alone with myself, i talked to myself, and often using english.
i can't remember exactly since when i began to do it, maybe it started
from the preparation for an english interview for the admission of one
of singapore universities at senior 2. as a practice.

i failed the interview but i fell in love with with this talking. it
feels so different coz i am using an unfamiliar language that i have
to focus on something other than my thoughts like vocabulary, grammar,
etc. and soon i forget all this, talking to myself is just kind of
exchanging of thoughts. thoughts are rapid, chinese part of that
thoughts that needs to be translated is slow and left behind. and me,
myself, it feels like a totally new person, a stranger, not just
exactly me as i used to be, some selective part of my mind becomes
different for the switching of thinking mode.

sometimes i just think about saying something like a lecture,
sometimes i imagine someone standing right there in front of me. in
fact in murmuring or nagging, i can always find the answer i need.
persuading myself to some decision, or conclusion, whatever. like i
said, a feeling of a stranger, a true spectator or by-stander makes
ideas in my mind robust. as a belief of mine, i think when i do this,
i am always calm enough, and ready for the conclusion i truly want.

ooops quite long mail now and i still haven't made any point but just
say something trivial and personal... in fact i said i wanner write
you mails but i didn't have an idea about exactly what i wanted to say
to you. maybe just feelings, emotions, affections that is hard to
convey in a interactive context. in other words, something settles
down and appears only when the sun has been sleeping quietly, in the
night time, when all superficial sensations no long matters and in the
darkness alone you only concentrate on your heart... hahaha, that a
poet's words. but... errr, maybe just i was to find me something to do
when i can't sleep, missing you : )

i talked about the charming night time.
there are lines about it
like that night i will always remember.

Wistful oceans calm and red,
Ardent caresses laid to rest.

I wish for this night time,
to last for a life time.

:) enough for the first time i guess.

good night